Soul fragmentation is a call to wholeness.
In this podcast I talk about what it feels like and how it relates to dissociation.
Healing soul fragmentation is a journey through buried trauma and subtle imprints to reclaim the sense of self and recreate identity in a higher frequency of consciousness.
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I'm here to talk about the jigsaw and how the experience of feeling like a jigsaw puzzle can relate to dissociation and particularly extreme forms of dissociation- specifically soul loss.
I'm kind of here to bust some myths and shed some light from my own perspective of working with clients who I've noticed this in . I don't necessarily subscribe to the terminology of soul loss however, I do understand the felt sense of being a lost soul. I've felt the energetic experience and the corresponding emotional and somatic experience of clients who are in that place and have found that it's very difficult to piece themselves together.
So, how does soul loss relate to dissociation?
In one of the modules you recognize that when I talked about the dissociative experience, one aspect of the experience is this type of fragmentation is this type of spreading out, not really knowing how you're spreading out or in which directions and being a loss within yourself when it comes to what you're connecting with- who you are, what you're experiencing, how it relates to you and what to do about it.
So, soul loss essentially is the experience of all of what I've just mentioned along with personal trauma being held in the body and a deep level of self hatred that prevents the integration of these fragments.
What causes something to become fragmented?
When you think of fragment, what kind of images come to mind might come to mind?
What could create a fragmentation?
I get the visual of something blowing up and all these pieces going everywhere. So you can imagine that there's been a big event or a big shock in the system. Usually multiple shocks that have occurred over time, especially at a young age. The person has essentially not been able to process at any level the shock. That part of their frequency, that part of their experience is not being processed and therefore they don't have a relationship with it.
When something is not being processed, it's very hard to relate to it. It becomes this unknown and it becomes this experience of detachment and disconnection. Now you can see how it fits into dissociation.
So you've got these shock events that happen. When they were at a particular age or during a particular time period that essentially they have disconnected for, they have had to say for survival,I can't feel that right now can't acknowledge it. It has nothing to do with me right now. It's a pushing away of experience persistently over time.
Shock events have a particular frequency and trauma. If a person is left in that environment and the shock keeps happening this is how soul loss can occur. I prefer the word fragmentation because that's actually what it feels like, energetically.
How you're going to notice it is really only in long-term work with a client. It's only in long-term work that you're going to start to support the processing of shock events and trauma that is unconscious. Unconscious material doesn't arise in the first few weeks of a therapeutic relationship. It tends to come up once the surface emotions and somatic sensations are starting to be processed. That's when the deeper layers will start to emerge.
How this feels in the actual field as a person. How does this relate to the body? How does this relate to the healing journey and what do you do as a practitioner?
In the field, you will notice lack of a midline and lack of an access of organization. You will notice a distinct spreading out that is not expansionary. That is fear based. So there's a spreading out in field and therefore that person's energy field doesn't take the form that it might usually take - a human body. It will be very distorted. The second thing you become aware of is lots of floating fragments aspects.
And if you look at them closely and you feel into them, you will notice that they pertain to the client's varying experiences of shock and trauma. You will see varying ages, you will see events, you will see how they responded or didn't. When things happen to them and all these things are floating around right outside disconnected from the inner realm they're there in the field, but they're very fragmented.
The aspects don't connect, which is why there is a fragmentation. The aspects seem to be completely unrelated. The thread of self insight and awareness hasn't been woven through and awareness has been rejected for survival. Multiple breaks as spinal level, but not just disconnections big breaks, pervading breaks. They won't be somatic coherency. They won't be a capacity to feel much depth. And then you will start to see in the field , far away from where that person you would imagine would be anchored ,these distance, fragments and aspects. This is where the term 'jigsaw' has arrived.
Do you remember when you used to get those 3000 piece jigsaw and it would take you a year to do those? You can only do those when you have a map. When you have a vision, when you have an image of what the final piece looks like. You could only do a, or especially a complicated jigsaw when you have that. The most challenging aspect of working with a client who's experiencing soul fragmentation is they have an inability to imagine or visualize or bring any sort of image that is lasting, and that is supported by their frequency, in order to bring these bits back in.
If you don't have a map and you don't know what the final image looks like, and you're unable to imagine what the final image looks like and when you do, you're constantly getting booted back out of that frequency-you can't sustain it and then you access shame and self hatred because you're unable to create a vision of yourself I E see yourself in anything apart from where you are right now, which is the trauma. That can be a very disturbing place to be. And the type of clients that experienced this, you will hear them say, "I don't know who I am. I don't know who I want to be. I don't know. I don't know" that will feature over and over again. When you support them to ideate about where they might like to be. The very notion of desire will trigger them into grief because every time they have desire to anything, they've been disappointed and let down. So think about this now get a feel for it. You've got all these floating pieces around that contained aspects and fragments and events and nervous system responses and energetic frequencies and relationships that were traumatic and person's perception of themselves or floating around the outside. None of it is connected. And yet you've got this person in the middle seeking wholeness at a soul level. Even if they're not there at a mental level or at an emotional level, they are seeking wholeness. We are all on this journey, seeking wholeness, ever deeper wholeness.
How do you integrate when everything that starts to come in is triggered back out because it's traumatic the way it vibrates, literally repulses the person.
So imagine you're trying to bring certain frequencies back in. You're trying to invite the client to make contact and as soon as the awareness level starts coming in, they're triggered. We've talked about the experience of a healing session and various stages that occur in order for reintegration to happen. Notice just the awareness level will trigger a client.
Energetically, psychologically, and emotionally nothing makes sense. It's not coherent. There's lots of unknowns. There's lots of triggers and not much meaning and not much sense being made. It's difficult for a person to experience themselves often what you were hear is 'I don't know how to feel. I don't know what to feel. I don't know what is mine to feel and what isn't"
First of all, the work is for you as a healer to recognise the differences between disconnection dissociation and dissociative disorders and then at the extreme ends of the scale, you've also got what I'm talking about now, which is soul fragmentation. This is also where ancestral dynamics come in, you will not find a person who is experiencing soul fragmentation that hasn't had deep and pervading, continuous shock and trauma in their ancestral lineage. Either one or both.It's really important to figure out what your client is capable of and where they are in their development journey and where they are your container how stable their nervous system is, how stable their psyche is, et cetera. When you start getting them in contact with these soul fragments, these frequencies that are there waiting to be owned. The system will react to that immediately and the energetic system will react and then the body will follow .
The first thing is you need to be able to support the client to be present within their own body and within their own emotional body. And that's going to be a journey. When they're there and they're starting to be able to be more present with what they do know that's when you can start start paying more attention to these fragments are floating around maybe even bringing their awareness too buried experiences . Then you want to make sense of how stable they are. So really grounding the spine and the midline. We're going to cover this in the course "spinal reconstruction" so that they have a central organising axis. If they don't have a central organising axis it's going to be very difficult for them to bring anything into it.
If you find the client is developing more of a sense of center, which will take time, then you can start looking at these aspects. The more you're able to identify what they relate to and feel them as frequencies the more you're going to be able to at least draw some threads.
It's not your job to start weaving this constellation back together and making sense of it all. But in order for you to know what you're bringing in next and what could be emergent, you do need to have some idea about what these are. If you're working at this level, which is a very deep level and energetically, and you have a therapeutic relationship with the client and they want to do this work. What can then arise next is the feeling that you know the client's trauma better than that. And in a way you do, because you can feel it. You can feel what they're not willing to feel. However, this can trigger the clients sense of shame. How can somebody else know something about me? And I don't know, there must be something so wrong with me. Again, you see the cycle of shame coming in. You need to try as much as you can to manage and balance your own assertion and perception with empowering and giving sovereignty to the client.
This is a dance that you and the client are going to do because a client who's in that place, won't be comfortable with any type or level or feeling of sovereignty. It's a journey of discernment, constant discernment. When you recognise some threads that are similar aspects, similar stories, etc and the client themselves is going into perhaps inner child work at particular age, that can also be a time where you can introduce certain aspects, fragments. I don't like the word retrieval because it's not really for you as a healer to retrieve anything for the client. It's up to the client to retrieve for themselves. It's up to the client to connect, to feel their own stuff to the degree that they want to self realize recreate themselves. What you're doing is you're gently inviting these frequencies back in, fragments, and you're making sure they're relevant to where the client is and what the client's working with and where you are in the journey with them.
As the client starts to do that process, and they start to bring awareness to unconscious material that they've split themselves off from, and then they start to make contact with that material either psychologically by recalling certain events, making connections between events, maybe emotionally, they can start to feel the feelings that were accompanying these shock events. That's when things will start to integrate very slowly.
Somebody who's experiencing this degree of trauma will not find it easy to be in their body because the midline is going to be distorted that will reflect in the spine and that will reflect in the whole structural alignment. The structure is the base level of consciousness, the physical structure. So if a client is struggling with physical structure, they're really at that fundamental base level of self-awareness. Therefore you're going to have to do work structurally to stabilize and support the integration of these soul fragments.
It can be extremely rewarding when a client is able to reconnect and reintegrate deep unconscious aspect of themselves, feel it fully to completion, recognise how it relates to their cinematic experience and identity and bring in a deeper level of self-awareness and self-compassion. It leads to a big shift in that client's level of consciousness and capacity for self healing
Supporting the client to envision and develop a vision of themselves, supporting the client to dare to dream about who they could be. It's an opportunity to completely recreate identity
to dream without the terror of being disappointed. To imagine a version of themselves that is inherently acceptable and good.
P.S. If you’re ready to dive deeper than ever before, here are 4 ways I can help you heal, grow and awaken your inner alchemist
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