Soul fragmentation is a painful call to return to our wholeness.
In this video I talk about:
- What it feels like to experience 'soul fragmentation '
- How it affects the energy field and subtle body - Why ancestral trauma is nearly always present but not conscious
- Signs of soul fragmentation in the physical body, particularly the spine
- The steps to heal and reintegrate lost fragments from a somatic and energetic perspective - The call of deeper embodiment and return to wholeness
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Healing soul fragmentation is a deep journey through buried childhood trauma and subtle ancestral imprints. These traumas have gone unprocessed and therefore we are unaware of the levels of fear they have held us in. In order to reclaim our fuller sense of self and recreate an identity in a higher frequency of consciousness we need to integrate these fragments and understand ourselves at a deeper level.
Of course this process can be confronting and painful at first. Afterall, the disconnection from these fragments is a protection mechanism. However, it is far more painful to constantly experience cycles of suffering, to feel dissociated, fearful and lost and to not know why.
I'm here to talk about the jigsaw and how the experience of feeling like a jigsaw puzzle internally, relates to dissociation.
I'm kind of here to bust some myths and shed some light from my own perspective of working with clients who I've noticed this in . I don't necessarily subscribe to the terminology of soul loss however, I do understand the felt sense of being a lost soul. I've felt the energetic experience and the corresponding emotional and somatic experience of clients who are in that place and have found that it's very difficult to piece themselves together.
So, how does soul loss relate to dissociation?
In one of the modules you recognize that when I talked about the dissociative experience, one aspect of the experience is this type of fragmentation is this type of spreading out, not really knowing how you're spreading out or in which directions and being a loss within yourself when it comes to what you're connecting with- who you are, what you're experiencing, how it relates to you and what to do about it.
So, soul loss essentially is the experience of all of what I've just mentioned along with personal trauma being held in the body and a deep level of self hatred that prevents the integration of these fragments.
What causes something to become fragmented?
When you think of fragment, what images come to mind?
I get the visual of something blowing up and these little tiny pieces going everywhere. As they scatter they seem totally unrelated, random, irrelevant. But they are part of the whole. Piecing them all together can be exhausting and it's easy to get lost, spending years trying to get answers. So most people who don't get support to heal this at a deep level will leave them there, scattered around, not knowing that these pieces actually hold the treasure to deeper healing and wholeness.
So you can imagine that the blowing up means there's been a big event or a big shock in the nervous system and energy body. Shock is held in the nervous system and leads to a fight or flight or freeze response. The difference with soul fragmentation is that there has been multiple and persistent shocks that have occurred over a long period of time, especially at a young age or even in utero. These traumas are mirrored in the ancestral line, and as such the whole experience of living in perpetual fear has become normal.
In this scenario, the person has not been able to process the shock or trauma held in the body or field and is not even mentally aware of their own trauma narrative. They just feel they are 'different' or 'less than' everyone else. They feel lost, but always have, a kind of shame and inferiority and confusion that seems to follow them wherever they go. When trauma and fear is not being processed, it's very hard to relate to ourselves or understand ourselves or be in our own body. We are constantly repelled by the fear that we hold unconsciously. It becomes this unknown and it becomes this experience of detachment and disconnection. Now you can see soul fragmentation fits into dissociation.
So you've got these shock events that happen. When they were at a particular age or during a particular time period that essentially they have disconnected for, they have had to say for survival,I can't feel that right now can't acknowledge it. It has nothing to do with me right now. It's a pushing away of experience persistently over time.
Shock events have a particular frequency and trauma. If a person is left in that environment and the shock keeps happening this is how soul loss can occur. I prefer the word fragmentation because that's actually what it feels like, energetically.
How you're going to notice it is really only in long-term work with a client. It's only in long-term work that you're going to start to support the processing of shock events and trauma that is unconscious. Unconscious material doesn't arise in the first few weeks of a therapeutic relationship. It tends to come up once the surface emotions and somatic sensations are starting to be processed. That's when the deeper layers will start to emerge.
How this feels in the actual field as a person. How does this relate to the body? How does this relate to the healing journey and what do you do as a practitioner?
How soul fragmentation impacts the energy body
Soul fragmentation can be determined by the structure of the energy body or energy field. Here are some ways you can identify the presence of soul fragmentation and extreme dissociative states
- Lack of midline and no organization around the midline
- Energetically the spine has multiple breaks and so operates as separate pieces
- Spreading out of the field in a way that is asymmetrical and chaotic
- Constant dissociation and depersonalization experienced for many years
- Inability to ground or self regulate energetically or at a nervous system level regardless of tools and support received
- Lack of coherency i.e one part of the energy moves separately to the other parts
- Extensive density in the energy body particularly around the kidneys and root space - Organ dissociation esp womb dissociation
- Numbness, confusion and inability to feel the subtle body and it's movements - No roots at all or the roots are being sucked back into the energy system instead of grounding down into the earth
- Parts of the field have split and developed their own intelligence and protection mechanisms e.g entities
- Energy body is stagnant and doesn't move even when supported to re-ground
- Energy body is distorted in shape
- Energy body looks much smaller than the human field e.g like a curled up rock
- You can see floating fragments in the field containing information around trauma events
- These fragments seem tiny and vibrate very subtly so that they are barely perceptible
- These fragments don't appear to contain much information, they seem hollow
- These fragments feel threatening, they repel the person from accessing them
- When attempting to feel into these fragments or see what they contain the information is incoherent, seems irrelevant or impossible or seems unrelated to you
- There is an overwhelming fatigue in the energy body so that nothing meaningful can be processed without threatening to destroy the ego, as such trauma doesn't get processed
What happens when you start to find these fragments?
If you look at them closely and you begin to feel into them, you will notice that they pertain to varying experiences of shock and trauma.
You will actually start to see varying ages, specific events, specific people, emotional processes and how that person responded or didn't.
The fragments don't seem to connect at first. This is because the thread of self insight and awareness hasn't been woven through at a deep enough level, the person doesn't feel safe enough to integrate these fragments in to their consciousness and the energy body is not still enough to receive them. Self awareness has been rejected in favour of survival. This gives you an indication of how severe the traumas must have been to lead to this kind of experience.
As you start to find the fragments there will be alot of fear, resistance and rejection coming up. The ego's protective mechanism which is to repel information that threatens its existence will kick in. This is why the healing work must take place in a safe and long term therapeutic container. There is a big process involved in being able to overcome fear and resistance and this involves shadow work. Shadow work is a form of radical self honesty that allows us to start accessing our deeper truth and power, by understanding all the ways that we reject and distance ourselves from our power.
Do you remember when you used to get those 3000 piece jigsaw and it would take you a year to do those? You can only do those when you have a map. When you have a vision, when you have an image of what the final piece looks like. You could only do a, or especially a complicated jigsaw when you have that. The most challenging aspect of working with a client who's experiencing soul fragmentation is they have an inability to imagine or visualize or bring any sort of image that is lasting, and that is supported by their frequency, in order to bring these bits back in.
If you don't have a map and you don't know what the final image looks like, and you're unable to imagine what the final image looks like and when you do, you're constantly getting booted back out of that frequency-you can't sustain it and then you access shame and self hatred because you're unable to create a vision of yourself I E see yourself in anything apart from where you are right now, which is the trauma. That can be a very disturbing place to be. And the type of clients that experienced this, you will hear them say, "I don't know who I am. I don't know who I want to be. I don't know. I don't know" that will feature over and over again. When you support them to ideate about where they might like to be. The very notion of desire will trigger them into grief because every time they have desire to anything, they've been disappointed and let down. So think about this now get a feel for it. You've got all these floating pieces around that contained aspects and fragments and events and nervous system responses and energetic frequencies and relationships that were traumatic and person's perception of themselves or floating around the outside. None of it is connected. And yet you've got this person in the middle seeking wholeness at a soul level. Even if they're not there at a mental level or at an emotional level, they are seeking wholeness. We are all on this journey, seeking wholeness, ever deeper wholeness.
How do you integrate when everything that starts to come in is triggered back out because it's traumatic the way it vibrates, literally repulses the person.
So imagine you're trying to bring certain frequencies back in. You're trying to invite the client to make contact and as soon as the awareness level starts coming in, they're triggered. We've talked about the experience of a healing session and various stages that occur in order for reintegration to happen. Notice just the awareness level will trigger a client.
Energetically, psychologically, and emotionally nothing makes sense. It's not coherent. There's lots of unknowns. There's lots of triggers and not much meaning and not much sense being made. It's difficult for a person to experience themselves often what you were hear is 'I don't know how to feel. I don't know what to feel. I don't know what is mine to feel and what isn't"
First of all, the work is for you as a healer to recognise the differences between disconnection dissociation and dissociative disorders and then at the extreme ends of the scale, you've also got what I'm talking about now, which is soul fragmentation. This is also where ancestral dynamics come in, you will not find a person who is experiencing soul fragmentation that hasn't had deep and pervading, continuous shock and trauma in their ancestral lineage. Either one or both.It's really important to figure out what your client is capable of and where they are in their development journey and where they are your container how stable their nervous system is, how stable their psyche is, et cetera. When you start getting them in contact with these soul fragments, these frequencies that are there waiting to be owned. The system will react to that immediately and the energetic system will react and then the body will follow .
The first thing is you need to be able to support the client to be present within their own body and within their own emotional body. And that's going to be a journey. When they're there and they're starting to be able to be more present with what they do know that's when you can start start paying more attention to these fragments are floating around maybe even bringing their awareness too buried experiences . Then you want to make sense of how stable they are. So really grounding the spine and the midline. We're going to cover this in the course "spinal reconstruction" so that they have a central organising axis. If they don't have a central organising axis it's going to be very difficult for them to bring anything into it.
If you find the client is developing more of a sense of center, which will take time, then you can start looking at these aspects. The more you're able to identify what they relate to and feel them as frequencies the more you're going to be able to at least draw some threads.
It's not your job to start weaving this constellation back together and making sense of it all. But in order for you to know what you're bringing in next and what could be emergent, you do need to have some idea about what these are. If you're working at this level, which is a very deep level and energetically, and you have a therapeutic relationship with the client and they want to do this work. What can then arise next is the feeling that you know the client's trauma better than that. And in a way you do, because you can feel it. You can feel what they're not willing to feel. However, this can trigger the clients sense of shame. How can somebody else know something about me? And I don't know, there must be something so wrong with me. Again, you see the cycle of shame coming in. You need to try as much as you can to manage and balance your own assertion and perception with empowering and giving sovereignty to the client.
This is a dance that you and the client are going to do because a client who's in that place, won't be comfortable with any type or level or feeling of sovereignty. It's a journey of discernment, constant discernment. When you recognise some threads that are similar aspects, similar stories, etc and the client themselves is going into perhaps inner child work at particular age, that can also be a time where you can introduce certain aspects, fragments. I don't like the word retrieval because it's not really for you as a healer to retrieve anything for the client. It's up to the client to retrieve for themselves. It's up to the client to connect, to feel their own stuff to the degree that they want to self realize recreate themselves. What you're doing is you're gently inviting these frequencies back in, fragments, and you're making sure they're relevant to where the client is and what the client's working with and where you are in the journey with them.
As the client starts to do that process, and they start to bring awareness to unconscious material that they've split themselves off from, and then they start to make contact with that material either psychologically by recalling certain events, making connections between events, maybe emotionally, they can start to feel the feelings that were accompanying these shock events. That's when things will start to integrate very slowly.
Somebody who's experiencing this degree of trauma will not find it easy to be in their body because the midline is going to be distorted that will reflect in the spine and that will reflect in the whole structural alignment. The structure is the base level of consciousness, the physical structure. So if a client is struggling with physical structure, they're really at that fundamental base level of self-awareness. Therefore you're going to have to do work structurally to stabilize and support the integration of these soul fragments.
It can be extremely rewarding when a client is able to reconnect and reintegrate deep unconscious aspect of themselves, feel it fully to completion, recognise how it relates to their cinematic experience and identity and bring in a deeper level of self-awareness and self-compassion. It leads to a big shift in that client's level of consciousness and capacity for self healing
Supporting the client to envision and develop a vision of themselves, supporting the client to dare to dream about who they could be. Soul fragmentation is an opportunity to completely recreate your identity, to embody the new Ancestor, to realise your true potential
and to embody your true soul's calling.
P.S. Here are 5 ways you can heal soul fragmentation
Take the Healing Dissociation Masterclass which is an in-depth guide for both practitioners and clients and includes live healing demonstrations and practices to deepen your own embodiment wherever you are in your journey
Heal the deeper and more subtle imprints of Ancestral Trauma that are holding you back, learn to release ancestral trauma at a somatic and energetic level in the Ancestral Alchemy Masterclass
Set your inner child free through Inner Child Healing that will allow you to recognise and release shock and fear that is being held in your nervous system and field, impacting your health and relationships.
Go on a personal healing journey and experience a life changing transformation
Get free healing practices and support on the Kimiya Healing podcast including how to identify buried and unconscious trauma, how to ground your system, release emotional pain and grow spiritually