I never really knew or liked my ancestors. Disease, displacement and discrimination. Bags of religious dogma.
Suppressed women and lost men.
Keep that away from me, I spluttered inside.
I couldn't avoid it forever. I had to heal. They announced their arrival by clamping my jaw, tightening my tentorium- a large membrane running across the back of my skull and throwing a thick blanket over my chest. The jaw, upper cervical spine, the atlas and shoulders often bear the weight of ancestral energy.
I found my teeth grinding, like an angry tiger.
The physical pain was tough, persistent. The unspeakable exhaustion was worse. I didn't know where to start so I started doing all the healing stuff. My bag of tools came out. A predictable response perhaps,
But I was drinking from the poison chalice. Their doing mode was now my doing mode. Doing to escape. Doing to solve. I had to stop doing stuff.
By day 7 I was close to losing my mind, my jaw was dense and locked and I found myself wondering if the osteopath down the road would be able to solve all this with a single adjustment - then it wouldn't have to be my problem.
WOW! The battle was alive within.
After many hours in meditation I let go of any expectation that anything would be healed. I just stopped. I had run out of tools. I felt them, so deeply. They were exhausted and had run out of options. Here we were. I finally, finally came close to understanding them. There was a stirring from within the stillness. 'I forgive you, I forgive me, I forgive all. All are forgiven' I found myself repeating it about 100 times. The structures revealed. Walls and towers, small rattling cages, civilisations lost and forgotten. They began to crumble under the vibration of 'all are forgiven'. Dust to dust. I ended up standing in a desert. Space. Emptiness. No structures. Nothing stirred. It was over. It took about 2 hours. I could breathe. My jaw softened and swayed. My temples felt like candy floss. I felt them, free, at peace. I felt us together. A connected line of ancient wisdom. United.
Then my phone beeped. A text message. 'What's bruxism?' it read. It was my mum. I smiled inside. Her soul had a funny way of acknowledging without acknowledging. She knew. I was too tired to send a clever response back. 'Teeth grinding'. I replied, and rolled over to sleep. With gratitude in my heart, with my ancestors at peace, feeling free, rooted, grounded, supported and in a new relationship with something far bigger. Something called blind faith.
Our ancestors and their lived experiences form structures not just externally in the world we see with our eyes but also within the energetic dimensions of reality. These structures have been created with an intense energy, often of survivorship. They therefore hold immense life force when integrated.
If you need some support with your own ancestral healing please contact me. We can find the structures within and meet them. Email email@example.com