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Signs That You're Dealing With A Narcissist

Narcissism is a multifaceted and intricate construct. While there are ongoing discussions about the definition and structure of narcissism, two distinct forms have been well-established in the literature: grandiose narcissism and covert narcissism (Krizan & Herlache, 2018; Miller et al., 2017).

Grandiose narcissists are characterized by an overconfidence in their abilities and accomplishments, leading to a sense of superiority and entitlement, and a tendency to exploit others. In contrast, covert narcissists are hypersensitive, avoidant, and feel inferior to others (Miller et al., 2011; Pincus et al., 2009).

Childhood abuse and maltreatment has been identified as a significant risk factor for the development of narcissism (Miller et al., 2011; Thomaes et al., 2013). Interestingly, this relationship appears to be more strongly associated with covert narcissism, rather than grandiose narcissism, as no significant correlation has been found between childhood maltreatment and grandiose narcissism (Miller et al., 2011).

Similarly, insecure attachment, another known risk factor for narcissism (Crowe et al., 2016), has been found to be significantly correlated with covert narcissism specifically (Crowe et al., 2016; Miller et al., 2011).

This suggests that the developmental pathways leading to vulnerable and grandiose forms of narcissism may differ, with childhood experiences, such as maltreatment and attachment issues, playing a more prominent role in the emergence of vulnerable narcissism.

The Narcissist Holds Deep Seated Shame, Self Hatred & Is Trapped in Webs of Guilt

  • Their entire existence revolves around a false self, designed to distance themselves from the black hole of shame that they are carrying

  • They inherently struggled with forming genuine and deep friendships and connections. They often move around alot to avoid detection.

  • They create a "nice person" facade to mask their true feelings. This false front allows them to present an acceptable version of themselves to the world.

  • They lack fundamental self-worth. Their sense of value comes entirely from external validation.

  • They seek worth through external factors like money, career, relationships. These superficial markers are the sole basis of their self-esteem.

  • They believe they deserve to be alone, a self-fulfilling prophecy. This conviction reinforces their isolation and disconnect from others.

  • They feel deep shame about their family and its dysfunction. They steadfastly refuse to reveal the full extent of this shame.

The Narcissist Has A Complete Lack of Self-Awareness & Is Unable to Introspect, Empathise & Heal

Beneath the narcissist's grandiose façade lies a profound disconnection from their true, authentic self. Starved of genuine love and acceptance in childhood, they've constructed an idealized "false self" to camouflage their deep-seated feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness.

  • They often present a false self to the world. They rely on manipulation and deceit to maintain their image.

  • They are not aware they are a narcissist. They do not realize their behavior is abusive.

  • They fear being discovered as a fraud. Once the truth catches up with them, they may admit they are fake.

  • They are unable to identify their own truth. They are uncertain about who they are deep within.

  • They are unable to speak their authentic voice or truth. They cannot connect to their authentic self.

  • They have an inconsistent sense of morality. Their morals change depending on who is around.

  • They have difficulty being present with themselves. This often leads to an inability to be alone.

  • They feel lost when alone. They constantly seek external validation and attention.

  • Their self-image is based on falsely constructed personas. These personas are like masks.

  • Their lifestyle does not reflect their words or who they say they are. Their behaviors lack a deeper purpose.

  • They see no issue with being a fake person. They may diminish the meaning of authenticity.

  • They do not have a deeper life purpose. Any sense of purpose is a fake persona.

  • They will mirror authentic people to avoid detection. This makes them appear "nice."

  • They have lived life "being nice" and believe that is enough. They don't know who they are.

  • They are committed to sustaining their false image. This includes lying to themselves and others.

  • Their false selves interact with the world but cannot form trusting connections. They struggle with intimacy.

  • They believe they can be whoever the moment requires. They see this as a superpower.

  • They do not trust the world wants their true self. They prefer to act, as rejection then hurts less.

  • They do not have a stable "character." They are always shifting depending on who they are with.

  • They will agree with others to gain trust and alliance, despite not believing it.

  • They are unable to consider their behaviors as inauthentic. This is just how they've always been.

  • They either despise or idolize their parents disproportionately.

  • Their false self is often protected by a parent's own wounds and guilt.

  • They are never held accountable, as they portray themselves as the victim.

  • They suffer from a lack of true self, spiritual connection, and low self-esteem. They live in denial.

  • They are doomed to lonely, self-inflicted lives. Yet being alone scares them the most.

  • They seem insincere and superficial, unable to recognize or understand it themselves.

  • They create many layers of false self. They need others to see them as "good."

  • They are unclear about their future goals and deeper purpose.

  • They hold deeply misogynistic views, unaware of their nature.

  • They are a "man for all seasons," constantly imitating and adapting, a non-entity that is all entities.

  • Their existence is disheveled and unstable, oscillating between peak moments and breakdowns.

Rather than embracing their flaws and quirks, the narcissist compulsively mimics and copies the behaviors, mannerisms, and even the opinions of others. This shape-shifting allows them to remain hidden, blending in and avoiding vulnerability at all costs.

Tragically, this lack of self-awareness robs the narcissist of the ability to cultivate meaningful connections. They are perpetually trapped in a performance, unable to be truly seen or to see themselves clearly. If you find yourself walking on eggshells, uncertain of the "real" person behind the mask, it may be a glaring sign that you're entangled with a narcissist.

The Narcissist Will Distort Even Basic Attempts to Communicate and Lacks Non Verbal Attunement

  • They struggle to communicate clearly and directly and often speak in circles or vague generalisations.

  • They may excessively talk about themselves or the world but rarely with a reflective or introspective approach.

  • They often say things but never remember what they said (because it's not their true self speaking).

  • They seem to create excessive confusion during even basic conversations.

  • They interact in a way that creates circular conversations. Conversing with them even with basic things becomes exhausting and sometimes bewildering.

  • They pretend not to understand or hear things that are clear, making you question your sanity.

  • They will hear things that haven't been said and insist you said them which will force you to be even more aware or even document the things you say to be sure.

  • Their tone of voice doesn't match their words or verbal expression. They are excessively animated or monotone.

  • They mis read or just don't read body language well. Their own body language when they speak can be incongruent and create confusion.

  • They avoid speaking in emotional language or with any emotional tone because emotions portray what lies deeper within so neutral tone is adopted to hide.

  • They will frequently avoid the point of the conversation and miss the message.

  • They miss the message to evoke a reaction in you, get you to repeat yourself, reinforce your point, re-explain etc, all of this drains your energy.

  • They seem to explain their behaviour and mannerisms through a maze of smoke and mirrors that is difficult to follow (because it's all fabricated and designed to confuse you).

  • They often have a vacant, shallow or blank look in their eyes.

  • They often appear to be thinking about something else entirely during a conversation with you.

  • They will start a conversation with you with no intention of listening, just to create the illusion that they are interested in what you have to say.

  • They lack presence during conversations and are often drained by having to be present because it takes so much effort for them.

  • They go blank when something is explained so clearly that they can't avoid it.

  • They shut down rather than recognising when they're wrong.

  • They constantly defend themselves when they're in the wrong causing you to re-explain and spend more energy on them. They apologise only to repeat the same behaviour.

  • They can't recognise the true motive they are holding beneath the words they speak. Unable to recognise subtle body language and non verbal cues (either their own or others).

  • They don't recognise when they are manipulating other people. They seem to be able to manipulate effortlessly, as if its an inbuilt reflex.

  • They will look innocent while they manipulate you, making you question your reality.

  • They will speak to you but hold a very different energy, e.g they may be complimenting you but deep down holding envy or hatred, or longing for you to say this back to them.

  • Discrepancy between tone of voice and verbal expression or intention e.g saying something nice but sounding hostile. They engage in stonewalling to avoid conversations, conflict and emotions as well as personal accountability.

  • Their stonewalling is inbuilt into who they are, it's what they've always done and they consider this safe and normal. Their accent changes depending on their mood, whether they are lying or not and who they're speaking to.

  • Their accent changes when they are lying, they just often don't realise it.

  • Strange sense of disconnect during conversation as if they are not understanding what is being said (again because it involves some degree of self accountability).

  • They can lie without remorse because in their head it's not a lie. They will lie to avoid confrontation or their own deeper truths. They are convinced that lying makes them smarter than anyone else as long as they don't get caught.

  • Their job or hobbies may also involve lying or deceit, paraded as a game.

  • They are willing to say anything to create or maintain an illusion of themselves as a 'nice person'. They will often become even nicer when manipulating you at more extreme levels, this is to avoid detection (could involve gift buying, promising holidays etc).

  • They only apologise to avoid you leaving them.

  • They apologise and repeat the same behaviour a day or week later. They don't show real remorse.

  • Feeling genuine remorse takes alot of their energy and is not natural for them (like empathy). They apologise often to appear innocent and cooperative but nothing changes.

  • They apologize as a manipulation tactic, 'i've apologised what more do you want, why can't you just move forward now' etc.

  • They will look you in the eye and make up a lie, a totally fabricated story that never happened.

  • They will make it hard for you to get the truth. Even with unchallengeable proof of the truth, they'll hold on to the lie. It's actually quite fascinating to see them in action - once you know what you're dealing with. It's like watching someone say 'the sky is red' when they don't even believe it themselves, simply to try to convince you that you are wrong, and that they are deserving of your attention. If you start doubting reality, they will find that spec of doubt and prey on it.

  • As time goes on, you'll notice the words they used to describe themselves do not fit their personality — at all. But, they will fit YOURS!!!

  • They will talk about how they supposedly feel but it's not the truth. It's an attempt to make you feel empathic towards them, so that they have power over you again.

  • They will lecture you about a topic that they know very little about in reality, when you ask questions they will blame you for asking and say they're not the expert, when they have presented themselves as such.

  • They talk in circles because if they were straight with you, you would figure them out too fast. Circles and circles of ridiculous talk and repeated repeats are meant to confuse, manipulate and control.

  • They cannot participate in the back and forth co-creation of normal conversation. Instead, they simulate normal conversation by telling pre-packaged stories usually about themselves, not able to recognise if the other person is engaged or not.

  • There is no chance of them understanding or empathising with you. It is truly like being invisible while being around them and like talking to a wall.

  • They don't recognise their own boundaries and are unable to communicate them because they do not know themselves. They may create fake boundaries to mirror you and manipulate you.

  • They create conversations that didn't happen

  • They forget events immediately after they've happened (selective memory).

  • They use passive aggression to avoid and also fuel conflict. They may never raise their voice and yet constantly create situations where you are forced to raise yours, and then look at you as if you are over reacting or crazy, and then they become the victim.

  • When confronted about their passive aggressive communication habits, they will pretend not to understand and be confused about what you are talking about. If they do admit it, they are unable to change it for more than a couple of days.

  • They are clumsy, reckless and disrespectful without even trying. They constantly say stuff and then claim they didn't mean it.

  • They don't deeply research or think things through for themselves, and therefore just regurgitate information. But when challenged, they are unable to explain or defend their position.

  • They lack self-awareness and insight, unable to recognize their own patterns of behavior and communication. Their responses are often knee-jerk and defensive rather than thoughtful.

  • They have an inability to take responsibility for their actions and words. Any accountability is avoided through deflection, denial, or shifting blame onto others.

  • They seem incapable of genuine introspection or self-reflection. Their internal world remains opaque and inaccessible, even to themselves. Their communication style is designed to confuse, distract and manipulate those around them. It serves to maintain an illusion of themselves that has little to do with reality.

  • Interacting with them becomes an exhausting exercise in navigating a maze of contradictions, half-truths and emotional evasiveness. It's like trying to have a meaningful dialogue with someone who is perpetually lost in their own fabricated false reality.

  • In the end, communicating with this type of person leaves you feeling drained, disoriented and questioning your own sanity. Their twisted version of reality becomes increasingly difficult to untangle.

The Narcissist Is Unable To Process Emotion or Experience Empathy

  • They are unable to feel empathetic emotions and experience the emotional states of others.

  • They have cognitive empathy, which is the ability to intellectually understand others' emotions, but not the capacity to truly feel them.

  • They have difficulty drawing self-insight from their own emotions. Their emotional awareness often feels manipulated or turned off when it is needed.

  • They struggle to introspect and gain self-understanding without extensive guidance.

  • Their emotional awareness often feels manipulated or turned off when it is required.

  • There is a persistent disconnect between their words, actions, and emotions. This makes it hard for others to trust their authenticity and understand their true intentions.

  • They may use emotional responses as a means to manipulate and control interactions. This makes it hard for others to trust their authenticity and understand their true intentions.

  • They struggle to express emotions through typical bodily responses (e.g., crying when sad). Emotional expressions often appear fake, superficial, or driven by ulterior motives.

  • Emotional pain is only processed cognitively, without the deeper felt experience. Emotional expressions often appear fake, superficial, or driven by ulterior motives.

  • When emotional pain arises, they employ psychological defenses to avoid full processing and self-accountability. They have a core belief that emotions are a weakness, to be expressed only when serving their false self.

  • They have a genuine struggle to feel and express genuine empathy for others. Any attempts at empathy require extensive cognitive effort, which quickly drains them.

  • This inability to emotionally connect creates a sense of distance and a lack of true intimacy in relationships. Any attempts at empathy require extensive cognitive effort, which quickly drains them.

  • Their eyes often appear devoid of emotion and spark, like a "subdued and neglected child." Emotional responses can be inappropriate or inconsistent with the situation.

  • They lack a coherent emotional vocabulary to express their inner experiences. Emotional responses can be inappropriate or inconsistent with the situation.

  • They move very quickly in relationships, professing love and attachment early on.

  • They try to appear calm and collected on the surface, but their energy can feel off-putting.

  • They are insatiable, constantly searching to fill an inner void or emptiness. They avoid discussing deep, emotional topics and resist self-reflection.

The Narcissist Rejects Accountability and Responsibility At Every Opportunity

  • They will always play the victim. They present themselves as helpless and blameless, even when their own actions are the root cause of the issues they face.

  • As parents, they are more interested in power games with their partner and making their partner look bad than being a parent to their own children. When they have abandoned their children emotionally and physically, they play the victim and refuse to take accountability for their neglect.

  • Feeling of resentment when having to take responsibility for themselves or others. They resent being held accountable and often lash out or make excuses to avoid taking ownership of their actions.

  • Difficulty engaging in self-reflection or taking the initiative to introspect, prefer to blame those around them. They find it challenging to look inward and examine their own role in problems, instead opting to point fingers at others.

  • Will often have spent most of their adult life not engaging in any form of self-development, when they do, it's to resolve themselves from blame rather than to actually change. Any attempts at personal growth are typically superficial and aimed at avoiding responsibility rather than genuine self-improvement.

  • Struggle to stand by their own decisions or choices, look externally to blame especially when things go wrong. They are unable to take ownership of their choices and instead seek to shift the blame onto others when their decisions have negative consequences.

  • Appear to 'forget' what choices they have made if they turn out to be the wrong ones. They conveniently "forget" their role in making poor choices in order to avoid the discomfort of acknowledging their mistakes.

  • Have endless excuses for their mistakes. They always have a ready-made excuse or justification for their failures, never taking full responsibility.

  • Inconsistency around daily routine and life. Their behavior and decision-making lack stability and predictability, leading to a chaotic and unstable lifestyle.

  • Is able to work a job and function at a basic level but unable to set stretch goals and achieve them. They can manage basic tasks and employment, but struggle to set and accomplish ambitious goals that require sustained effort and accountability.

  • Unable to foresee how their actions will affect others. They have a limited understanding of the impact their choices and behaviors have on the people around them.

  • Often live in the present moment without planning for the future because they cannot think about the future. They are trapped in the immediate moment, unable to consider the long-term consequences of their actions.

  • Minimises the impact of their own actions. They downplay or deny the significance of their behaviors and the harm they cause to others.

  • Easily overwhelmed by basic adult levels of responsibility e.g paying bills, going to work, looking after children. They struggle to manage even the most fundamental adult responsibilities, becoming easily overwhelmed and unable to function effectively.

  • Avoidance of reality and escapism including with addictions and toxic behaviors that they insist are just light-hearted hobbies because they are unable to see the patterns they are engaging in.

  • They engage in various forms of escapism, such as addictions or unhealthy behaviors, which they justify as harmless hobbies, rather than confronting the deeper issues they are avoiding. Narcissists are prone to conspicuous consumption, that is, preference for luxury over mundane products.

  • Will re-write history in their own head to make them the victim or resolve them of responsibility.

  • They distort their own memories and the narrative of events to portray themselves as the victim and absolve themselves of responsibility.

  • Lack of financial accountability and maturity e.g no savings, gambling addictions, big debts often kept secret from those around them.

  • They display a lack of financial responsibility, often engaging in risky behaviors like gambling or accumulating debt, which they hide from others.

  • Over values immediate pleasure because it is temporary relief from how they feel inside (anguish, self hatred) therefore they often focus on immediate gratification.

  • They prioritize short-term gratification and pleasure over long-term stability and inner peace, as a means of temporarily escaping their underlying feelings of anguish and self-hatred.

  • Seek temporary pleasure over long-term inner peace and stability which impacts their partners and children.

  • Their constant pursuit of immediate gratification often comes at the expense of their relationships and the well-being of their loved ones.

  • Will accept all their wrong doings even though they don't believe what they are agreeing to or admitting. They may verbally acknowledge their wrongdoings, but internally, they do not truly believe or understand the consequences of their actions.

  • For them to even begin, much less endure therapy are extremely low. The likelihood of a narcissist seeking and engaging in meaningful therapy is very low, as it would require them to confront their own childhood trauma, shame and take responsibility for their behaviour.

  • They will accept their wrong doings to gain pity or retain a source of supply. They may appear to superficially admit to their mistakes, but their true motivation is to elicit sympathy or maintain a source of external validation and support.

  • Unable and unwilling to change their impulsive behavior, even when told 20+ times they are unable to adapt effectively because they are stuck and held hostage by their own shadows and entities and the true self is powerless.

  • Despite repeated attempts to help them change, narcissists remain unable and unwilling to modify their impulsive and self-destructive behaviors, as they are trapped in their own psychological patterns and unable to access their authentic self.

  • In a constant struggle within to protect themselves from admitting they are wrong or at fault because it triggers their inherent sense of 'being' wrong in their own existence.

  • They are in a perpetual internal battle to avoid acknowledging their mistakes or faults, as doing so would challenge their fragile sense of self and their belief that they are inherently flawed.

  • When asked to take personal responsibility for themselves, they play psychological gymnastics in their own head which interferes with a clear level of cognitive thinking. When faced with the need to take responsibility, they engage in complex mental gymnastics to avoid doing so, which impairs their ability to think clearly and rationally.

  • Appear to be constantly thinking, calculating and attempting to avoid personal accountability. They are preoccupied with strategies to deflect blame and evade responsibility, rather than addressing the underlying issues.

  • They are aware that they are different from others but have not deeply understood how or why, instead they create superficial explanations that rely on them being superior. While they recognize that they are distinct from others, they have not genuinely explored the reasons why, and instead construct superficial narratives that position them as superior to those around them.

  • Swing between being unable to take responsibility for their own personal hygiene to sometimes becoming obsessive over their own appearance, there is no consistency of self-care.

  • Their self-care practices lack consistency, alternating between complete neglect and excessive preoccupation with their appearance, without any middle ground or balanced self-care routine.

  • When called out, they will perform the 'death stare' where they stare into your eyes in a threatening way to try to intimate you, their pupils dilate and their eyes look black and devil like. They will stonewall or gaslight you very calmly in this state or be physically violent.

The Narcissist Is Unable To Forge Genuine Connection, Friendship or Intimacy

  • Inability to distinguish between love, attachment, and obsession. Covert narcissists sabotage their chances of finding genuine love.

  • Maintaining superficial friendships and relationships based on what they can gain from the other person, rather than true emotional connection. They portray an image of having close friends, but in reality, they only have acquaintances.

  • Craving attention and validation from others, but unable to form deep, vulnerable connections. They maintain a false persona to appear socially acceptable.

  • Imitating and impersonating others to fit in, without a strong sense of their own core values and identity. They struggle with genuine self-expression.

  • Fleeting and unstable relationships, as they are unable to maintain deep bonds. They do not feel a sense of loss when people leave their lives.

  • Obsessive and love-bombing behavior in the early stages of relationships, followed by an inability to maintain intimacy and connection.

  • Tendency to rush into sexual intimacy as a means of creating a false sense of trust and connection.

  • Gaslighting, stonewalling, and shifting blame when confronted about their behavior, making the other person feel confused and overwhelmed.

  • Putting the other person or their children in dangerous situations, while blaming the victim for the consequences.

  • Reenacting their own childhood trauma and unmet needs within their relationships, seeking parental-like love and validation from their partners.

  • Inability to empathize with their own children, as they are unable to access the emotional depth required to truly understand their children's needs and experiences.

The Narcissist Engages in Constant and Sophisticated Psychological & Emotional Manipulation

  • They act humble and appear vulnerable and sensitive, but upon closer observation, you'll notice intense resentment and jealousy towards others.

  • They do things for others but always expect something in return, often a lot of praise or future obligation.

  • They may do things, including big romantic gestures, to create a perception of who they are to control you, rather than because they are truly devoted to you.

  • Their reputation for being a 'nice guy' is everything to them, trumping authenticity. As a result, they often don't speak their actual truth, telling you what they think a 'nice guy' would say to appear kind and 'normal' while hiding their true persona.

  • They are passive-aggressive and will never address conflict directly. They will often stonewall or disappear to project their anger onto you and make you react, then they will look at you like you're overreacting.

  • Covert narcissists are difficult to detect, if not impossible, because they camouflage themselves expertly into the people they are around. This is easy for them because they don't really know who they are, and mimicking those around them feels normal.

  • They will act differently in public vs. in private and then deny it or blame you for the incongruence if you point it out.

  • Words not matching actions, intentions, or internal states is manipulation.

  • Inconsistent and incongruent behavior reflects their internal chaos, which is projected outwards, leaving you feeling confused and constantly searching for the benefit of the doubt, making you easier to manipulate over time.

  • Refusing to be held responsible for their own levels of incongruence that create constant manipulation, by blaming you, their parents, their trauma, other people, or the external world, is called gaslighting.

  • Narcissistic maladaptive behaviors are proactive and often practiced covertly, so they don't get caught and held accountable.

  • Most of them live in total denial, creating destruction everywhere they go and with whoever they are with, and then blaming them, even their own children.

  • They will create a fake version of history to deny reality and make themselves look like a good person. They may spread false rumors about you, gossip about you, and try to manipulate your own family and friends.

  • Once they stop mirroring you (because it's exhausting trying to be like someone you're not), you start to see they have no idea who they are or how to behave - the inconsistency and lack of self-awareness speaks.

  • The narcissist's pathology is all about feeding off your emotional reactions. The more intense your reactions are, the more supply they gain from it. They will put you in situations where you react until you are completely drained, broken, and in despair.

  • If you lose interest in someone with HPD, the HPD person will change their behavior (usually immediately) to draw your attention back.

  • Narcissists plan to leave you by devaluing you, discrediting you, and eventually abandoning you.

  • When they are discovered, they will make false accusations against you and cast doubt on your sanity and intelligence.

  • They will act as if you are controlling or abusive or neglectful for refusing to collude with their own delusions and self-sabotage.

  • The RUSH that the Narcissist can get out of totally duping an individual is powerful and addictive to them, as it validates their insecurities of not being good enough.

  • Every relationship the narcissist has involves planned chaos driven by a deep sense of entitlement and gross envy, particularly of people who are authentic.

  • Emotional baiting is designed to incite an emotional, hysterical, or rageful response, making you appear unstable, crazy, or jealous, which gives them power over you as you become destabilized.

  • When the narcissist is called out with evidence in a logical and clear way that they cannot escape from, it triggers all their own negative emotions and damages their already fragmented sense of self-worth, leading them to collapse into withdrawal, silent treatment, stonewalling, disappearing, or acting like you are invisible.

  • Deflection, stereotyping, and denial of your memories are some of the tactics they use to avoid accountability.

  • They will turn on feigned decency, morals, generosity, assistance, and compassion to make themselves feel like a good person, not because they are genuinely wired this way and care for you. This masks their sense of self-hatred and shame, keeps them hidden, and keeps you groomed to believe they are a genuine person.

  • They will use many forms of escapism and addiction to avoid self-accountability, including spirituality, and will blame you and your reactions for why they do what they do.

The Narcissist Uses Sex To Groom, Control and Manipulate You

  • The narcissist rushes sexual intimacy, going to great lengths in the first encounters to prioritize their partner's pleasure. This is an artful deception that feeds their desire for omnipotence and control.

  • To reel the partner in, the narcissist will learn their likes and make them feel served, only to suddenly shift the focus to serving their own needs in a one-sided, egocentric manner.

  • While narcissistic sexual behavior may at first seem romantic and passionate, it inevitably turns one-sided, egocentric, unempathetic, transactional, and aggressive, as the narcissist sees sex more as a method of control than a way to connect.

  • Narcissists don't have sex because they want to feel intimate and vulnerable, but because they want to be admired, and they may even claim their last partner was always eager for sex, implying there's something wrong with you.

  • They are unable to distinguish between physical touch that is connected and nurturing versus disconnected and manipulative, as they cannot feel the energy beneath the touch.

  • Narcissists use sex to soothe their pain, stress, anxiety and uncertainty, as they are usually dissociated and unable to regulate their own nervous system. Their sexual energy is often perverted and dark, with immense anger stuck in their pelvis and genitals.

  • Their sexual energy is often perverted and dark, with immense anger stuck in their pelvis and genitals, and a lack of connection to their own source of energy and embodied experience.

  • Disconnected from their own embodied experience, the narcissist has no roots or connection to their pelvis and genitals. They use sex to feel more energized and distracted from their inner emptiness and self-hatred.

  • Narcissists often have an inflated sense of their sexual ability, and may be addicted to porn. Yet they are often less "experimental" than they pretend, refusing positions that don't make them look their best.

  • The narcissist may refuse to use condoms, insisting the partner take full responsibility, and may even lie about having STDs/STIs, then blame the partner when they contract it.

  • Ultimately, the narcissist sees sex as a means of control, intimidation and domination, rather than intimate connection. They may sexually abuse the partner through coercion, guilt or threats.

  • Over time, the partner will feel increasing disconnection, as the sex becomes one-sided and devoid of real intimacy, no matter the narcissist's technical skill or showmanship.

  • The narcissist may sexually abuse you, insisting you don't love them if you don't have sex, guilting you into it, or attempting to flatter or manipulate you into engaging in unwanted or embarrassing sexual acts.

  • The narcissist's demands for sex are insatiable, not because of a high libido, but because sex is how they validate the emptiness and shame within them, leading to submission to unwanted acts out of fear.

The Narcissist Has Severely Corrupted & Compromised Their Own Energy Body & Will Affect Yours

  • They seek spiritual practices for escapism, as they are numb, shut down, and dissociated, but continue them anyway to present an illusion of being someone they're not.

  • They cannot feel their energy body or their roots, as their root structure is non-existent.

  • They have no connection to their ancestral lines and have not healed the traumas that vibrate through their spiritual body or womb space. As a result, they cannot truly embody their authentic self or consistently connect to their higher self without collapsing.

  • Their crown and third eye cannot open due to the shallow or lack of root structure.

  • Their third eye is blocked, and their level of interoceptive depth is very low. When they look within, they see nothing - just a dark grey cloud, because their energy body is completely blocked and they are not used to self-reflection.

  • They use astral projection and out-of-body experiences to escape their physical form and fragile sense of self. This allows them to create a false, grandiose persona in the astral realm.

  • They may engage in astral vampirism, draining the subtle energies and life-force of others in the astral dimension to sustain their own inflated, but ultimately empty, sense of self and power.

  • They often have entities vibrating within their energy field, and have attachments to dark levels of hell, demonic energies and the astral underworld.

  • They may attempt to create astral thought-forms and egregores to haunt, manipulate or even possess their victims, extending their narcissistic influence beyond the physical plane.

  • On the astral level, they struggle to maintain a stable identity and often feel a deep sense of emptiness, leading them to frantically pursue validation, admiration and power from others in the subtle realms. This can include colluding with and paying for demonic forces.

  • You may experience extremely terrifying nightmares and astral levels of interference if you sleep next to them, while they claim to have had no dreams or only lovely dreams (which are lies).

  • If you check your crown space, they will be playing in your crown, trying to trigger a reaction. This is a deep spiritual attack on your essence and an invitation to reclaim your innate knowledge and awareness of your spiritual being.

  • As soon as they realize there is no 'supply' of attention, unconditional nurturing, and positive regard, they will discard you. This starts at an energetic level, as you will feel them 'detach' and remove their claws, triggering your own abandonment wounds.

  • If you have not worked on these wounds and are not used to being alone, independent, and authentic, the impulse to seek re-connection will be strong, perpetuating the dysfunction and trauma loops.

  • Narcissists may become obsessed with attaining mystical experiences or supernatural abilities on the astral plane as a way to bolster their grandiose self-image and feed their insatiable ego.

  • Narcissists often approach plant medicine ceremonies with the intention of seeking validation, attention, and awe from others, rather than with a genuine desire for self-reflection and transformation.

  • Rather than integrating the humbling or insightful lessons that plant medicines can provide, narcissists are more likely to twist the experience to fit their preexisting self-aggrandizing narratives.

  • Some narcissists may even try to position themselves as shamans, gurus or healers after limited exposure to plant medicines, using the experiences to claim spiritual authority and expertise they have not truly earned.

The Narcissist Is Dissociated and Often Experiences Depersonalisation

  • They have no roots and are disconnected from the earth and their own source of energy. This is also why they use sex to feel more energized and to distract them from themselves.

  • Murderous rage is held in their sacral chakra, which they cannot access.

  • Their heart is heavy, full of unspeakable guilt, and guarded with walls, smoke, and mirrors, so they cannot access their own emotional world or connect at a genuine level.

  • They report feelings of fatigue, weakness, or lack of energy on a daily basis. This can be a manifestation of their underlying emotional turmoil.

  • They can display hypochondriacal tendencies and become preoccupied with imagined or minor physical problems.

  • They experience sleep disturbances like insomnia or hypersomnia. Their sleep is disrupted due to their narcissistic preoccupations. They may use drugs to get to sleep.

  • They experience daily brain fog, an inability to concentrate, and an inability to access flow states or higher levels of creativity.

  • They will attempt to violate boundaries during sexual experiences to feel a sense of power, as power brings connection rather than vulnerability for them.

  • They seek validation from women and superficial levels of physical touch.

  • They have poor spatial awareness and do not notice people around them or their expressions, often walking around self-absorbed, not really looking or processing anything ahead of them, just in a dissociated daze.

  • They frequently bump into things, damage, lose or misplace items, forget things, and get times wrong, due to to their lack of grounding, presence, and constant clumsiness.

  • Their eyes have a glazed, far-away look

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