Kimiya Healing needs to rebirth

Sheila says delete this. So of course, I must share it with you. But I won’t pretend, this is a painful labour. Kimiya Healing needs to rebirth.


The fear of rebirth is real

‘Rebirth! What the fu9k does that even mean!!!' my head screams. 'This is terrible, take it away! This cannot be happening' . I’ve cried deeply because I am SCARED. Scared of stepping in and stepping up to make this happen. Scared of destroying what I’ve built. Fear engulfs my heart. It makes me confused, makes me want to fight. It creates a sense of helplessness. Then it makes me want to resist because nobody is coming to save me and give me the answers to make this easy. Then I try to convince myself. To force. To push through. To be adamant. TO RESIST CHANGE. Then I get confused. Gretty is winning. She makes herself a cup of tea and falls asleep on the couch.


This fear, if I allow it to sit at the head of the table, will turn me into a piece of stone. PARALYSED.

Where is the fire! I beg. FUCK. I've run out of fire!

Where is the water? My flow, my endless stream. It's like a desert here. It drips in, slowly every day. When I say drip I mean, d r i p. < real slow


Kimiya Healing needs to rebirth and right now I have no idea how to surrender OR squeeze this big baby out of me. The slow squeeze is killing me slowly. Fugees style but with way less rhythm.


As you know from Womb Room the rebirth process isn't all light and unicorns. When everything that you have become, that you have painstakingly survived and built against the odds now demands to be unravelled the instinct is to hold on tight. Change feels terrifying. As one client said to me this week, 'my fear is losing who I am but also not becoming who I am'


If you've been through a spiritual transformation you'll know that eventually the pressure builds and you're forced to submit yourself and surrender. To trust in where you're being taken and to allow the mystery to unfold through you, day by day. You might be pleased to know I’m taking my own medicine now. Sip by sip. Dying a slow death. Cheers! There's only three words inside my head:“Someone save me” Followed by the realisation “Nobody is coming to save me”


If you've been through a spiritual transformation you'll know that eventually the pressure builds and you're forced to submit yourself and surrender. To trust in where you're being taken and to allow the mystery to unfold through you, day by day.

Why connection and group healing matters

Every day I help my clients heal complex trauma and chronic conditions. Held in their body and hearts is the stuff nobody talks about because it's so utterly soul shattering. There’s a reason complex trauma is...complex. Because it’s not just about you. It never involves just one person or one incident. It's a whole life lived in fear. It's normalised disconnection. It’s relational. Multigenerational. It's love that got inverted and perverted and misplaced. It's innocence that was stolen before it was ever allowed to see the light of day.


If you've been through the journey of healing trauma and sexual abuse you'll know what it feels like to love and hate at the same time, to long for reconnection and yet be scared of real intimacy. You'll know how it feels to live in a cauldron of hot toxic brew which threatens to either destroy or rebirth you, depending on which path you take. So you hold on, and stay very small and and try your best not to move. Until of course, you find Kimiya Healing, and big landscapes within start moving. It takes a true warrior to dive into womb and the world and change the way the story ends. That’s why I love you. You're here, willing to write a new ending to generations of pain cycles. You’re willing to recreate yourself, against all odds.


But it’s desperate.


What I mean by that is, time and time again I realise how trauma creates a deep disconnection within, at a level that you probably can't even find words for. A deep mistrust that offers no consolation or days off. It's just there, all the time, in everything that you do, telling you that you're not worthy. It's a desperate longing to reconnect with your body, the body you can't stand feeling, and with the world that betrayed you- to somehow believe and belong again. Now more than ever, this world has a crisis of connection.


I believe womb trauma is a gateway to womb consciousness. To the seat of the void. Why else would you become willing to empty yourself of yourself if you were not so full up with pain? We don't seek healing when we are comfortable. We seek healing when we have no choice but to let go of ourselves.

I believe womb trauma is a gateway to womb consciousness. To the seat of the void. Why else would you become willing to empty yourself of yourself if you were not so full up with pain? We don't seek healing when we are comfortable. We seek healing when we have no choice but to let go of ourselves.



We need to heal together.


There's a reason I wrote all that. This is about US.


-We need to do this together.

WE need to heal, process and connect in meaningful group spaces as well as work on ourselves individually.

-We don't just need community, that's such an overinflated word.

-We need moments of resonance that are consistent, deep and turn into threads of connection in the web that we can then fall into and fall back on.

-We need to reconnect in deeper and safer ways, in consistent spaces that feel nurturing and attuned and not a threat.

-We all need a web of support.

-The biggest threat to a deeply feeling heart is SURFACE level interactions. You all know me by now, I have no time for that.


Things at Kimiya Healing need to change firstly to be even more group oriented. I’ve known this was coming for a while. I've enjoyed 9 Womb Rooms with you, creating absolute safety, stillness and clarity so that when I tell you, 'SURRENDER' I can say it with absolute integrity. The healing that happens there in ten days people say is more than years in therapy. I hear that over and over again. I have to take that seriously now.



What comes up when you finally own your power?

A year and a half ago I wrote an honest and frank note to myself. It said: “Your field is too deep and vast to do 1-1 sessions all day. Calibrate your space accordingly”


What comes up when you own your power?


Fear of persecution


It was true but it was also confronting.

- It meant I was maybe not a good fit in my own business, the practice I created from nothing (whilst everyone around me told me I must be mad) and that felt kinda weird to me.

-Perhaps I was scared of change

- Or of being seen as a weirdo or a freak.

- I didn't want to have to constantly explain to people what group healing is and be met with skeptical looks.

-I was scared of being judged for being different.

-I didn't want to sound full of myself


So I ignored the note and put it to the back of my mind. Even now, I’m terrified that you, reading this, will hate me for speaking my truth. But I choose today, to speak anyway. I have nothing left to lose and I know that if I step in to this I can be more aligned in service for us and for Kimiya Healing.


I believe the group web is what we exist here as humans to be for each other.

The Group field. I live for that. You know this from all our group spaces we've journeyed in. The group connection, what happens when we co-exist and co-create in this multi layered mirrored chamber of womb together and look around and say ‘holy crap, you’ve lived what I’ve lived and you GET ME’ . It's priceless. It's what my ancestors showed me my work would be.


So many of you told me that you had major healing breakthroughs not just because of what you experienced during the sessions but also in part, because you were able to witness the deep pain of another woomie and it helped you to accept, understand and finally face your own. You realised your words and heart are strong enough to hold someone else in their time of hurt. You realised you were not alone. You realised your power to help others. That just doesn’t happen in the same direct way in 1-1 therapy sessions.


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I realise that depth group healing and facilitation of womb embodiment as a spiritual path is my purpose and my gift. It’s so multifaceted and multidimensional. It demands an almost constant rebirth that sometimes the isolation of stillness is the only way to stay sane. The mission of Kimiya Healing is to help you heal sexual and complex trauma, ignite your womb embodiment and take you on a mystic’s journey of womb consciousness to help you discover and create in the void. When you realise you can recreate yourself from the cellular level and beyond, you start to recognise your power to transform the matrix (womb) of this world. That was my journey and that’s why it’s my mission. All I can share and teach is what I’ve lived myself.


The mission of Kimiya Healing is to help you heal sexual and complex trauma, ignite your womb embodiment and take you on a mystic’s journey of womb consciousness to help you discover and create in the void. When you realise you can recreate yourself from the cellular level and beyond, you start to recognise your power to transform the matrix (womb) of this world.

To fulfil this mission Kimiya Healing needs to SURRENDER to what it is, a paradigm of very high frequency consciousness, not a solo practice. On a personal level this means I need to get out of my own way so I can enable it. Terrifying, trust me. On a practical level this means Kimiya Healing needs to scale in order to become more of what it truly exists to be. High frequency high growth operating in a field of its own. Scaling means creating more powerful, long term global group spaces and facilitating depth group healing whilst also supporting your individual journeys.



Fear is love, that's why i'm sharing this

Firstly because it’s the truth of my experience right now. It’s important for me to share my fears and my real, raw, process with you. I always share when KIMIYAHEALING has big evolutions and this is a gigantic one. After all, that’s how Womb Room began, by me sharing my bizarre life with you all. Plus every day you guys share your deepest and most vulnerable processes with me - it’s a real human privilege to be honest with you. Sharing our fear brings it out of the darkness.


Secondly, because fear is part of the journey of having to heal, change and evolve the way we move so we can drop deeper and create something bigger than our immediate identity. This is fundamental. I’m living this now. No amount of chamomile tea will calm this storm.


The flip side of fear is love. All I know is I love Kimiya Healing and myself deeply enough to let this evolution process happen. But yes, it’s scary. Having to slowly realise it might not be just me running the whole show (my control freak Aretha loves to know every single thing that is going on to make sure it all goes smoothly) and to say that my 1-1 only work will be increasingly fewer hours each week (Sally the saviour who wants to help everyone believes that people may hate her for that)


But then there’s another voice that says, “loosen up Safa. You know what you’re here to create and you know the best way to deliver it for the people that are called to receive. Be quiet and slowly just get it done. Stop splashing around.”


(Splashing is what I tend to do when I don’t have all the answers immediately)


Maybe you’re reading this and you get it. Maybe you’ve been here too, growing something far bigger than you. If you’re an entrepreneur, a solo founder, a practice owner you may also know the word ‘SCALE’ can strike both terror and excitement into your entire skeletal system. The second word that follows is HOW? Kimiya Healing has grown rapidly from a local London based hands on practice I used to run out of my living room to a global practice treating thousands of people every year in a very short amount of time. I’ve grown too, into my wildest dreams, the woman and healer I always knew I was. But growth is a journey, it doesn’t stop unless we stop caring about realising our purpose, our mission and our potential.


Growth is a journey, it doesn’t stop unless we stop caring about realising our purpose, our mission and our potential.

Kimiya healing will continue to expand because I am committed to nurturing it and stepping into my own fears to transmute them, to serve the mission and vision.


There’s also the material reality that regardless of how passionate and competent you are , if your business is not growing then it’s effectively dying. This is because it can’t reinvest in itself enough to scale, to differentiate or to sustain itself without compromising in other areas. If a practice can’t scale effectively it becomes a dormant entity that eventually uses up more resources than it spends. That is depleting and stagnant for everyone involved. That’s energetically the opposite of what Kimiya Healing (and me as a person) stands for. I’m a catalyst as a character and I always have been so stagnation isn’t something I can do. I will always pick growth, love and discomfort over staying the same because of fear. So Kimiya Healing’s growth, stability and mission relies on being able to effectively scale and that means adapting my business model to one which supports the potential and purpose.


As much as I love transformational 1-1 sessions with my amazing clients (you lot!) in my current model it’s not possible for me to make the real impact that I’m capable of and run groups spaces and teach at the School of Healing Alchemy the way I want to (immersive embodied initiations) It’s taken me while to be able to admit that! At first I really thought I could do it all, myself, forever! I need to ensure space and opportunities for stillness and creativity to keep the fire burning and the rivers flowing. You see, fire and water cancel out and then what’s left is….the void. The void of Womb. That’s where I’m at right now, floating around here in the void wondering how and when it’s going to rebirth me.


I hope in 2022 you’ll be seeing more of not just me but also more of each other, in the deep fields where fear and love collide and dissolve us , where shadows bow down to the light of self awareness and where wings open to soar into new starry skies that our ancestors always knew we would one day return to.

As the rebirth process unfolds there will be more powerful and transformational group journeys and my 1-1 work will become more limited. I also hope the KIMIYAHEALING team will grow from just myself and Rambo (who is becoming increasingly lazy in his fur coat on the radiator) to experts and trusted alchemists who will support your journeys and who together will create the web of Kimiya womb consciousness.


This journey will be a fumble first as I navigate the how within myself, but I know that in the not too distant future it will become still ocean that you can immerse yourself in, to remember what you are.


To all my amazing clients who have supported KIMIYAHEALING every step of the way, thank you for being here, for teaching me how humans are designed to overcome the biggest obstacle - fear of our own power, and for trusting me every day to guide you back to yours and to mine.


Together we are the alchemists,


Love,

Safa (and Rambo)

⭐️❤️💫